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It can be challenging to talk with people who do not share your point of view. However, talking through differences is an essential skill that can build trust and strengthen relationships. Acknowledging other’s perspectives can allow us to explore differing opinions, learn and grow.  

Here are some ways to turn a difficult conversation into a thoughtful discussion. 

Approach the conversation with an open mind 

Living, learning and working on a college campus offers many opportunities to explore new ideas. We can empower ourselves to think critically about different points of view when we listen with authentic curiosity and give space for others to express their thoughts and opinions.   

Start by recognizing that our cultural backgrounds and life experiences shape our worldviews. Work to understand how others’ beliefs and ideas have been formed and reflect on how you came to hold your attitudes and opinions.   

Prioritize listening 

In a dialogue, people often formulate their response while the other person is talking instead of fully paying attention to what’s being said. When trying to have a thoughtful conversation with someone, the goal should not be to debunk each other’s points or bombard someone with facts or opinions.  

Instead of listening to respond, try listening to understand. Setting the intention to listen will help you approach the conversation more openly rather than coming to it with set points and arguments.  

Give the person you are talking to your full attention when they are speaking. Ask clarifying questions and be genuine when inviting them to share more. This practice helps us become better communicators and makes others feel heard, which is vital for open conversations. 

Ask them to reciprocate these actions when it is your turn to speak. We can create a space to share our views without judgment or jumping to conclusions. When we offer space to others, it helps them understand us in return. 

Practice effective communication strategies 

Having good communication skills can help direct the conversation in a healthy way. Here are skills to use when talking with someone with a different perspective:  

• Be mindful. Our passion for a topic may bring up strong feelings— we are only in control of what we say and how we say it, so our tone and demeanor matter. Arguing may feel satisfying, but it’s often an ineffective communication tool. 
• Ask open-ended questions. Get curious about where the other person is coming from and ask questions to gain a deeper understanding of how the person has come to their perspective.    
• Use reflections to clarify. Reflecting back to the person our understanding of what we think they are sharing can allow them to explain their meaning and correct misinterpretations. We don’t have to agree with someone to show that we are working to understand them.   
• Acknowledge different perspectives. Whether we agree with someone’s position or not, we can acknowledge or affirm what is important to them and the values that form their perspective. Recognizing a shared value (such as caring for others, autonomy, honesty or integrity) that underlies a viewpoint can be a way of bridging differences. 

Before we share our perspective, we can summarize our understanding of where the other person is coming from. We can avoid dismissing them by using “and”—not “but”—when offering our ideas or opinions. For example, we might say, “I hear where you are coming from, and I see it differently. From my perspective...” This transition may help avoid putting the other person on the defensive.  

We can always leave space to revisit an issue and end with an appreciation for the person willing to talk things through. 

Find support 

CU Boulder offers programs and spaces for people to share their perspectives and learn skills to have thoughtful conversations.